There are many teachers and scholars out there who can explain the terror barrier in a way that will have you on the edge of your seat seeking the solution. That is not what I will try to do here in this writing.
What I really want to talk about it is a realization I have had about HOW the terror barrier shows up for me. I am hoping that by sharing a little bit of this story, I will help you to see you are not alone. My plan is not to help you avoid the terror barrier entirely. Fortunately or unfortunately, if you do not experience it, you will not learn. No one can do it for you.
Let’s start at the beginning: Any time you are on the verge of breaking out of your comfort zone, you will encounter a wall of resistance – the terror barrier.
Let me tell you what happens for me.
- I have a decision to make. I have a BIG role to step into. I have an unhealthy relationship to walk away from. I have no idea what to do next in a particular situation and it all seems hopeless. Then someone offers me a solution that seems far worse than the pain I am currently in.
- I get uncomfortable. Really uncomfortable. This step I have to take is going to be epic in proportion (or at least it certainly feels like it will be). RESISTANCE.
- The terror barrier tells me to stop. To go back. That I am not good enough. That it is not time. That what I want is not really on the other side. That I will fail. Who do I think I am?
- So I creep back. Maybe a step or two. Just enough room between me and the terror barrier to stop the voices, let me breathe a little again and assess my choices. But the terror barrier misses me. It comes closer to me. It is following me. So not only is it still with me but because it crept closer to me, I now have FARTHER to go to get to where I am going! UGH!
- So I sit down and rest against the terror barrier. “Hello old friend. I will just lean here and take a nap”. I am exhausted from pushing up against the terror barrier- crashing into it- causing myself so much pain. Bruised and battered I crashed into it so many times I decided I deserved a rest.
- And then, all of a sudden, I remember that my calling is on the other side. That this terror barrier is just trying to keep me small. Not let me play big in this world. Remaining comfortable is ….well… comfortable. Until the awareness that there is MORE out there for me – more on the other side of that terror barrier. Then that comfort becomes unbearably uncomfortable.
- So do I run at it with all my force hoping to make a dent in the wall? Not this time. This time, I accept that this decision will be riddled with fear, uncertainty, and unknown elements. And accept that the only way to the other side is THROUGH. With that, I take the giant leap of faith and walk right through the terror barrier.
And that my friends, happens over and over again!
ah the terror barrier… hello old friend 😉
i definitely do the ‘i deserve a break’ thing alot, that’s my way to get myself out of stuff at times for sure.
i find it funny how the resistance is actually the toughest part, and once i decide to just go for it then it’s never as painful/hard as I expected. go figure. and yet it still sucks when it looms up even though we know that on some level LOL
Tina- Thanks for the reminder of how good it will be on the other side… I needed that today.
That Terror Barrier is big today!
Oh, my goodness, Bryn! How beautifully articulate! This friend, TB, could not have been described any better!
I’m so with you on this one, as you know. Back in the 90s as I was growing in leaps and bounds I didn’t know anything about the terror barrier and I wrote such long e-mails one friend responded with: “I’m sharing your stuff with my friends. I know you won’t mind. We’re all looking forward to the next chapter.”
I’m writing e-mails like that again! Isn’t writing a fantastic outlet?
May I include a link to your blog in next week’s newsletter? You’ve just described our relationship with our dear friend SO well I’d love for EVERYONE to read it.
I’m here, my dear friend. Know I would be honoured to receive your call any time.
Big hugs,
Lynne
Lynne- I would be honored for you to share this version of the Terror Barrier with your clients and friends.
You are all now the recipients of my long email thoughts via our various communication methods. It always helps me to think by writing.
Thanks for your support.
Hi Bryn
amazing how well you captured the whole TB thing. I woke up at 2am last night (a common occurrence these days, the anxiety / fear hits in the middle of the night!) and couldn’t rid myself of really nasty thoughts. It so stops us from moving forward unless we just push through! And yes, the only way is through.
And we’re never done, are we. We might take a breather, or have a short reprieve, yet if it’s too comfortable then most likely we are being complacent, aren’t we?
Writing is very cathartic for me too. I had someone complain about my long emails or blogs. I guess my thoughts didn’t much interest them, huh? Must share it with those who appreciate a well developed, thought out email. smile.
thanks again Bryn.
BRYN!!!
Kudos on your candor and vulnerability. Beautifully spoken. And I do believe that as entrepreneurs and business people we are in for a lifetime of charging through these barriers.
Sometimes I wonder why we’ve chosen “The Road Less Traveled” as it’s fraught with obstacles that challenge us…CONSTANTLY!
Or…maybe that’s why we have chosen it. Somewhere, deep inside we are quite clear that we can and will “get to the other side”. The hard part seems to be in keeping in touch with that…and enjoying the ride.
Interestingly enough, I’m amidst developing a structure that will do just that! Can’t wait to share all that’s happening with you.
You are an amazingly capable woman and your people are waiting for you! Sometimes you just need a reminder and support. Reach out anytime…seriously.
Hugs,
L
Bryn,
I’m late to the party, but I am SO GLAD I got to read this post at last! You’re described the terror barrier experience soooo perfectly — especially in the beginning, when the situation is big and difficult, and someone suggests a solution that feels far worse. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who experiences it that way!
Thanks for sharing this. I know I’ll be coming back to it again and again to remind myself of what’s going on.
Napping in the shade of TB for the moment,
Julie